Being Brave

A few weeks ago, I got to visit Austin while he was on a short term mission trip a few hours away. He brought some of my things from the States-favorite movies, piano music, clothes, and a note from my mom. She wrote that I am very brave to be doing this work. I don’t feel brave. I feel brave when I kill spiders and walk through a dark house. I don’t feel brave leaving my life in the States and moving to Argentina. That’s not scary-it’s God’s desire for my life. This is what He wants me to do, and He’s with me in every moment that I’m here.

I praise God for the life and job experience that I’m able to bring to my work here. I feel more confident because of the failings and mistakes I’ve made and struggled through. If I had come here right after college, I would have still thought I had to do everything perfectly. I am so grateful that I have learned time and again that God continues to work after failure. I was talking with God specifically about one class of students I had who challenged everything I thought of myself as a teacher. With God, I did my best, but I still didn’t do as well as I had wanted. I learned a lot about teaching, but I also learned a lot about failure. I thought I had ruined the precious reputation I had built as a “good teacher.” And I had. I no longer believed in this reputation. I saw myself as a poor teacher, but my coworkers saw me as strong and persevering. I realized that making people think I’m the best isn’t the same as being all that God wants me to be. Now I can be a person who lives instead of a person who builds a reputation.

As I was praising God for this, He gently pointed out that this experience was three years ago. How had I failed since? If I was truly confident enough to be willing to make mistakes, why wasn’t I making mistakes? I wasn’t afraid of being here, but I also wasn’t being bold here. My prayer became, “Lord, help me to fall on my face. Help me to say too much, do too much, be too much.”

This new desire came just in time for a short term missions team of high schoolers to come work with us for a week. The team of sophomores and juniors from North Dakota arrived on Monday. That night, I woke up at 12:30 with a sharp pain in the center of my right shoulder. It hurt so badly, I couldn’t fall back asleep. I tried stretching, sitting, standing, lying in every possible position, nothing made any difference.  I prayed that God would help me sleep. I had this sense that the pain was somehow spiritual-that it was the work of a demon. I prayed that if it was, that God would heal me. Then I found my phone and looked up symptoms of a heart attack. I convinced myself I wasn’t having a heart attack, and, after more than an hour of struggling, I finally fell asleep.

4am prayer-The first week in a while that I've actually changed out of pajamas before prayer.

My alarm went off at 3:30. I woke up sweating and still in a lot of pain. The short term team joined us at our house for 4am prayer. I sat next to Rachel with my coffee, obviously wincing. She asked me, and I explained. We sang some songs then started the prayer time. The leaders started by asking us to pray for the health of the whole team while we were working this week. Rachel asked me if she could pray for my shoulder. She placed her hand on my shoulder and started to pray, “God, I thank you for Brooke and for her place in our team. Father, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that this pain in her shoulder is Satan trying to keep her from doing Your work today. Father, in your name, get rid of Satan and heal her shoulder. Get rid of the pain and heal her.” Her prayer continued, but I didn’t hear it. The pain in my shoulder was gone. And it never came back. Her prayer was very similar to mine, except she actually believed it. I’ve never been healed before, but I’ve also never really believed that Satan attacks me before. I've certainly never prayed boldly for a healing. 

Pastora Jaci talking with some high schoolers about Jesus and
our new church

Without the pain in my shoulder, I was able to really focus on the day’s events, especially knowing that God had healed me to do just that. Our event that day was a women’s event in the park. We gave facials and painted nails. While facial masks and fingernails were drying, we had plenty of time to talk with the women about their lives, our lives, and Jesus. I was in charge of training and translating for the high schoolers. They did such a great job that I still had time to talk with some of the women at the event. They all wanted to get to know us, the church, and the Bible better. This was the focus of the whole week-meet people, tell them about Jesus, and get their phone number so we can follow up with them, get to know them better, and get them involved in a small accountability/Bible study group. Throughout the week, we met people in parks, handing out magnets and water, doing flashmobs and skits, singing songs with children, and showing a movie. I still have a long way to go, but God is helping me be bolder in my conversations with strangers. The first step, of course, was walking up to people and talking to them. Now I am praying that God would give me the perfect Spanish words to speak into their lives in these initial conversations.

Having fun with the short termers

Our theme with the short term group was the power of prayer. On Wednesday, we went on a prayer walk with them through the city. We asked them to pray individually, together, and out loud throughout the day. It was encouraging to see how much they struggled. That doesn't sound right. It was encouraging to know that praying out loud and praying for more than a few minutes was a struggle for me only five months ago. I love that my relationship with God has grown deeper and stronger during this time of training and that I still have so much more to learn about myself, God, and my relationship with Him. I can't wait to get to know Him more.

The whole group